your mom's an anti-joke: Archive

Feb 11th

562 notes

Feb 11th

47,563 notes

Feb 11th

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Feb 11th

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Feb 11th

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Feb 11th

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Feb 11th

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i don't want to sleep

i have chinese class in roughly four hours time to do math

Feb 11th

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i think it'd be great if i could play water polo

once i was explaining to my cousin about how i was really bad at any sports that included balls and you know when you’re bad at something, let’s say piano, you can say “i suck at piano”, and i accidentally said “i suck at balls”, and my cousin giggled forever at that ha ha ha ha no

Feb 11th

1 note

shut up birds

do you want to be parrot soup? every time they start to sing my aunt asks me if i’ve been abusing them no

Feb 11th

30,649 notes

i had hot chocolate today from 7/11 and it was...

Feb 11th

7,162 notes

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.”

– Robert Downey Jr. (via johnny-cupcake)

Feb 11th

5,745 notes

can i have a six pack

or just abs i like abs

Feb 11th

27 notes

Feb 11th

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Feb 11th

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sometimes i think the perfect solution would be to revert to not caring like before. then things would be very very simple and i wouldn’t spend time thinking about things like this. but then i remember that i can’t care selectively, i can only entirely not care or entirely care, so if i start not caring then i’ll end up not caring about the entire situation and the people...

Feb 11th

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Feb 10th

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Feb 10th

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Feb 8th

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Feb 8th

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Feb 8th

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hey you think my mom will let me go scuba diving?

no? me neither man. me neither.

Feb 8th

carlicrocker:

Feb 8th

87 notes

Feb 8th

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Feb 8th

63,925 notes

Anonymous asked: I saw your name and had to do it. || What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? | Make me one with everything. | The master pays for the $3 hot dog with a $20 and wait for the change-- "Don't you owe me some change?" | "No, change must come from within."

Feb 8th

88 notes

Feb 8th

26,585 notes

Feb 8th

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chocolate covered pomegranates are really good

i thought i’d just mention that because they’re really really good

Feb 8th

Anonymous asked: [Racism warning.] What do you call a woman with only one leg? || Eileen. | What do you call an Asian woman with only one leg? || Irene.

Feb 8th

5 notes

Feb 7th

16,770 notes

Feb 7th

2,391 notes

i'm sorry i promise i will limit this to one post...

LOL SIKE i’m making a post like this every year bitch i really try to not get emotionally attached to things or people or anything in general and i try not to make seemingly unnecessary connections between irrelevant things and i try not to make a big deal out of things but swim season of freshman year was like the boyfriend i fell the hardest for and lost my virginity to or something and...

Feb 7th