The other day I was waiting for the bus. It was running extremely late and I began to wonder where it could be.
Then it hit me.
- me: aw when people are nice
- : doesn't it just make you want to be nice to them
- benson: yea..?
- : that's kinda what they're hoping
- me: oh really
- : oh i see how that works
- benson: and then they make you fall asleep and eat your fingers
- me: you're really fucking weird you know that
- benson: do you think i should change your name?
- me: yes
- : i would like to be
- : wienerschnitzel
- benson: no
- me: ok
- : how about
- : fauntleroy
- benson: ok how about
- me: no no i like fauntleroy
- benson: LOBERTO PINYATA HUSSAIN
- me: .
- : the fuck
- benson: that's a kickass name
- me: that's a fuckin weird ass name
- : oh god don't name your kids
- : wow and i thought i was bad with names
if i’m already following you
tell me a joke i haven’t heard before and i’ll unfollow you and follow you again
Stupid ass plumbers working on our stupid ass plumbing cause this stupid ass house always has stupid ass issues so now I can’t take a FUCKING SHOWER
how do you make a plumber cry?
you kill his family